Sidebar #1 in Unfolding (July)

Ok Bff……….stay with me……..

I posted an astrology energy forecast for the month of July 2014 entitled, “Unfolding……July 2014)”

My intention with this post (and hopefully future posts like it) is to point out important messages and see how they apply to my life.  I think this is going to be very interesting and it may get a bit scary….as you should be able to tell by now, I am not going to sugar coat anything………I really wanna see (and show you) how we are connected and how we are influenced and can work with life energy…………..So Bff..hold on tight cause here we go:

“Sidebar #1 states:  “This month has the potential to be beautifully inspiring, where we observe how our life is unfolding without any additional effort, and we witness how our choices and changes are influencing what is manifesting for us. Even if you feel that recent changes in your life are not due to your conscious choices, choose the changes anyway and follow the unfolding, choosing every moment to be present and accepting. This is the position of power.(Sidebar #1)“

Let me start out by saying that this can be interpreted in zillions of different ways………I am going to interpret it according to what it has to do with what is going on at my life…….hmmm

So Bff………July has the potential to be beautifully inspiring if I am able to be present and accepting every moment so that I can observe how my life unfolds before me.  According to the text above, even if I do not have control of the changes, (I am gonna take it a step further) even if I have an inkling that the change is wrong….I am to choose it and observe to see what happens.

Bff………..does this sound crazy or what?  Lemme tell you what happened and how I connect it to this………..

My connection with Will………..In April, Will reached out to me………..Will and I continued to communicate through April, into June……..I left this part of, or at least I think I did……..Will and I, ok Juicah……….come on now………..Will fucked the living shit out of me in June…..Since April we have been communicating……..texts, texts, instant messages, and more texts, lol…….causing more and more tension between us.  More sexual tension, more wanting to see each other, more wanting to see if what we share is “timeless”.  So we agreed to see…lol.

We met……we fucked……time passed……we met……..we fucked again………we continued to communicate………..(this happened in June).

He would not be able to see me for a couple of weeks (his religious holiday and his wedding anniversary (the religious holiday was simple to figure out…the wedding anniversary….hmmmm……Listen, back to Sidebar #1, ok lol.) but he would be free the last week in
July and wanted to see me…..

What? Hellz fucking yes………….ohh shit………that is the week of Higgin’s birthday…Fuck Bff, Higgins and I are still together.  I really have to figure out how to end it between he and I.  I don’t really wanna spend his birthday with him but I don’t’ know how to get out of it either.

Hmmm……..how the fuck is this one gonna work out?

So Bff, Of course I told Will I am down………….are you kidding me? 

Wait……..what the fuck am I agreeing to? What the fuck did I already do?  What the fuck did I agree to? (Ummm, I agreed to experience pleasure, live my fantasy, fuck Will cause we enjoy each other on many different levels? Yahhhh haha)

In April when I had a drink with Will, I wanted our connection to be a figment of his imagination……I wanted to feel nothing toward and/or for him.  I prayed that it would not be true……that it would not be there……..that I would not get nervous, I would not feel sick, I would not feel like time stood still when I saw him again in April.  I tried my hardest, Bff, to ignore the gnawing in my gut that arose when I saw him………..my trying did not work.  All of my effort were of no use………..when he kissed me that night………I knew what we share is timeless but I did not want to admit it. (Or at least I thought I knew…..I go back and forth with this for many reason that are obvious (his wife, my life) and not so obvious reasons (memories of what he told me….what he has told me in our recent conversations, what spirit tells me about him)

I had to take it a step further and agree to see him……..agree to be alone with him…….agree to fuck him………(unfolding, haha) AGAIN!

June came, we both came (ahaha) and went….July we have plans again……….and we continue to communicate.....seems like daily (keeping me in my place, reinforcing my wants....breaking down my fears..........strengthening the hold on me........I ain't blind........I choose not to see!)

Now this the retrospection part for me BFF:  I read the horoscope at the beginning of the month, "Sidebar"ed points I thought would be important and posted it. I did not read it again until today and it dawned on me that some of the horoscope relates to what I experienced in July and I wanted to share it with you.……..back to the retrospection, lol...................................I did "allow" for my "choice" of communication, my "choice of allowing and my choice of participating" to bring me to the point where Will and I were making plans to have week fuckfest…………

Bff, you know how I feel about Will...he can have every single sexually transmitted disease, have every highly contagious disease known and unknown to man........I would want to see him, I would still want to kiss him, I would still want to touch him, I would still want us to unite our souls (fuck, lol).............that is how strongly I feel about and towards him (Bff, do you think he feels the same? What a foolish girl I am, lol)

Ohhhhh I could not wait for that week to come.  All month I was nauseous, butterflies in my entire body, I could not eat……..I only found peace in sleeping.  I was so fucking open….it was as if more than my wildest dreams were "UNFOLDING" right in front of me…….telling me they want me……….I could not say no…….I could not resist……..and just the thought of being with him again made me weak…I had no choice……I wanted no choice…I wanted Will…..if only for this one time (I hope not, I am fucked up, lol……Bff, I am using the wrong word when I write fuck………there is so much more to what Will and I share than just fucking, gonna have to find a better word, lol, but for now, I will use Fuck, lol!)…..just let me live out my fantasy with Will………

So Bff, “allowing and observing choices has led me to agree (and let me clarify, I want to) to see Will again……..and again…….and again the last week of July…………(wait……Bff, does that mean…….???)  I ain’t even gonna ask, I don’t want to take this blog into a different subject……let’s just see what happens, let’s see ………….UNFOLDING..........