Bff.........I have not told you what happened during the week of July 28...............what I participated in...........what I experienced.................but I will...............I promise you I will
Let's just say that since that week..........I have been experiencing a whirlwind of emotions..........up and down................all over the place..............
During that week...............I realized that what I had been writing about..........all of the pain I was expressing and how I was expressing it was just a way for me to later realized that I always had that thing I was seeking............lol......Ya..............Bff.............let me say it again.....last week..............I realized that I always had what I was searching for......................
If that is so...............why don't I feel the same today...........was my realization only because of my interaction...........only because of my dilusion............was my realization cause my be wicked fantasy that perhaps somehow you love me...........lol........as I sit here and type this......it is clear to me............Nooo......no it is not clear............I am fucking confused............damn..........
Osho says that the experience is love.......love in its purest form..............
Juicah says.........why does it hurt lol............Could it just be me holding on to my fantasy???.......I ask myself that question again...............and again...........For real Juicah............what did you expect this to turn out to be???..................(I thought you would really connect with me...........remember when I first touched you..............when we sat and I asked you not to tell anyone I could do this? Remember what you felt...........remember when we shared our souls with one another........remember what our souls feel like as one...................connect with me!!)
Oshos says:
"Man has three layers: the body, the mind and the soul. So whatsoever you do, you can do in three ways. Either it can be just from the body, or it can be from the mind, or it can be from the soul. Whatsoever you do, any act of yours, can have three qualities. Sex is love through the body; romantic love is sex through the mind; compassion is through the soul. But the energy is the same. Moving in a deeper way, its quality changes, but the energy is the same. Sexuality is possible without any understanding, without any meditation.
Love is possible only with understanding. Compassion is possible only with understanding and meditation, understanding and awareness. Not only do you understand and respect the other person, but you have come to your deepest core of being. Seeing your own deepest core, you have become capable of seeing the deepest core in the other also. Now the other does not exist as a body or a mind; the other exists as a soul. And souls are not separate. Your soul and my soul are one."
If we are one...............why are you there? (No...I am not only talking about your physical body..........go deeper...............into the dark...............feel me there.............connect with me!)
Ok..........Juicah........let's stop the poetic bullshit..........and say what you have to fucking say.
If we agree that what was said is truth....................................Our words, our energies confirmed
You know what??? I am sitting here trying to romanticze some real bullshit...........
Just tell me the fucking truth!!!
The things you said resounate in my head....................
Your riddles try to consume me..................
At night when I lay alone in my bed..................
Spirit bring the truth to me.................
Social masks come at a price..............
A luxury I do not want.............
That is why I question now............
How you act so nonchalant??
Then again.....it could be me....
I am not in your head........
Last week our energies combined...........
In spirit and in bed............
I will admit there are many things about you I don't know..............
Even the things you've shared with me...........
Have me a bit confused........
but sometimes I am slow...........
I keep on going back and forth...........
I bet you do it too...........
I wonder how you really feel............
The internal struggle you go through..........
I will not apologize for the way I feel............
Nor will I say I am sorry................
My writing is simply my appeal..............
Opening my door of satori..........
Flesh is my writing............spirit is the message coming directly from source
I am aware.................We are connected................spirit always knows the truth....lol
BFF..........don't ever get it twisted......................read with an open soul............and you will feel the message (spirite) in my writing...................you will feel the love........the compassion........my want to understand the other side..............my understanding that I do not know what the other side is thinking, feeling or experiencing, lol...........and most of all........the fact that spirit knows your struggle as well as mine.........in the dark....you will see me waiting for you.............
........I am light.........I am love........We are connected.........I love me.........in loving me.....I love you!
