I've got the feeling..........that somethings goin on............I got the feeling, lolol........BFF, I just absolutely love the R&B group Today:
This is not my favorite Today song, but it states exactly how I feel, like something is definitely going on........everything will be revealed in its time BFF.........you and I will be witnesses
So what, you ask BFF, do I have this feeling about.........I really don't know BFF, really. I just have a very strong feeling that something is happening and not something that I am really prepared for. Maybe it is something that I have subliminally been thinking of or wanting to happen, but in my heart of hearts I don't want.........I don't know, but I know you and I will be around to see what it is.........
This is weird............this thing between YumYum and I............I love being around him but I am experiencing and feeling conflicting emotions surrounding him........BFF I know I am extremely confusing when it comes to the relationship department........I want it but I don't want it at the same time.
Many people have told me that I am single by choice...........I say I am single because I have not met a man who I feel is attractive enough for me to get to know............Explanation time, lol. I love this part.......
Ok let me explain............when I say attractive I don't only mean physical, I mean mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and intellectual........
I have been meeting men who just don't click with me........
I know that looks fade and the body grows old, I am prepared for that to happen to me and my mate. But what I long for, what I need the most is someone who can mentally stimulate me, spiritually stimulate me, not just fuck me good.......
Why should I give my time to a man who doesn't do those things? I am not defined by my relationship status, although by societies standards I am.......BFF, for me relationships are so much more......can and should be so much more....they should be a compliment to who I am......they should not make or break me......
Why do people keep telling me that I am single by choice? Is it because they think I am a great catch and don't understand what it is that I am looking for in a relationship and out of life? Yes, there are men out in the great world who would like to date me, but that does not mean that I have to or even want to date them.
Why is it that when a woman has standards when it comes to dating and relationships, she is called "Picky"? Of course I should be fuckin picky, are you kidding me? I am not just going to give of myself to every and any man who approaches me. If I did, then I would be called "Easy". Damn, it is a lose lose situation for women like me.
BFF, if I would have stayed in a relationship with any, and I mean any of my ex's, I would be more miserable than I am now, lolol. Why is it so taboo that I am single?
I was and will never be one to go with the majority or the grain.......no matter how much I complain, I know I am where I am supposed to be......but I still feel like there is something goin on, lol......
BFF, I am starting to think that my feelings for YumYum have run their course.......like we were just supposed to give each other what we needed at that time.....somethings it is like that...........
YumYum and I still hang out, but since we agreed to behave and be the best friends to each other we could be, we have refrained from sex.......it is hard, but we are making it.......
I just keep getting this feeling that for YumYum it is so much more.........like he really and truly loves and is in love with me................I am not sure if I feel the same and this is what bothers me. It bothers me not because I don't feel the same, but because I know that this is a cycle, a cycle in which someone like he, he likes me, I like someone else, who I like likes someone other than me and the cycle continues....no one ever get the opportunity to grow with who they have their eye on............
Life is so very strange..anyway... Tomorrow is going to be so much damn fun....tomorrow I go to a get together upstate.......oooooh BFF, I really can't wait...I have been looking forward to this for weeks.
I am all prepared to see Oshun and spend some time with her upstate at the river...Every year, one of my co-workers have a BBQ at her house upstate. She invites her very close friends and family members. She even books a bus for us to make it up there.
Last year when I went, I was pretty sad and I really missed out on all of the beauty and positive energy the experience and nature provided. This year I am so ready, it is crazy.
I am taking my mother and my son with me this year. I know Mum is gonna have a ball, my son on the other hand, let's not talk about him, lol.
I am so prepared to see Oshun at the river. I have my containers ready to take back some river water for her alter, ohh I just can't freakin wait.
Get this, I am so excited I even know what I am going to wear, ALL YELLOW!
I feel fucking GRRRRRREEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
Oshun, I can't wait to be with you!!!!!!!!!!!
