BFF...........last night.........yesterday.........as a matter of fact, for the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that the energy is chaotic, fast and people are just plane ole' miserable....I have been trying my darnedest to remind myself not to fall into the "energy trap"...........
So.........let me catch you up to what car and speed I am driving at this point in my life, lol.
I am dating a man I went to high school with. He was known as a "bad boi" when we were in school and can definitely still give you that impression now. However, being that he is older, he comes off as a "Don't fuck with me", type of guy lol. As like all of us on earth, he has been through his trials and tribulations and you can tell from interacting with him that what ever he went through still haunts him from time to time...........
He is a Leo and I am Pisces........need I say more?...We believe in different principals and concepts concerning life, communication, relationships.....you name it, our views differ drastically. So with that being said, let me fill you in on what happened Friday night........................
Let's just call him Higgins to protect his identity.......Higgins flew to Dominican Republic earlier last week for a video shoot and came back on Friday. His flight was supposed to land a little after 5:30 pm, which gave me enough time to go home from work, make sure my house was in order, cook some dinner for my family and then go see him. Of course things did not work out like that....he got on an earlier flight home, which brought him into NYC around 3:00 pm. Not a problem......or at least I thought.
I got of work and rushed home to take care of everything so I could have some real time with Higgins. Three hours in and almost finished everything, I reached out to Higgins to let him know I was getting ready to come over....30 minutes before I left my house to go to his, I called to see if he needed anything. When he got on the phone......immediately I hear an attitude.......I ignored it.......why, you ask Bff? All day people were giving me attitudes......Why? I have no idea nor do I care to find out. What I do know is I am in control of me and my emotions, so therefore, I don't have to play this attitude emotion game...I give up....you all win this game......I reminded myself of the energy and gather some of my happy seeds in a bag for safe keeping. I had a very strong feeling I am going to need those seeds later, lol.
Ok, so I have not seen this man for a week, I could not think of a reason for him to have an attitude with me, so, I went on with my conversation...asking him if he needed anything from in the street before I reach his house...........Now he was ignoring me, being silent on the phone. Instead of assuming, I asked if he heard what I said. He replied, "No", so I nicely reiterated everything that he missed. Then...silence again. I asked, "Is everything ok?", he replied, "No, I am tired". Ahhhh that is it.......that must be where the attitude is coming from.................I solved the puzzle.......Or so I thought.
My cab finally came and I was still on the phone with Higgins........rewind and be kind............before I left work, I let him know that I would pick up a bottle of alcohol to bring to his house.........fast forward.......on the phone with him in the cab, I asked him if he knew what he wanted from the store and naturally with his attitude he told me that he did not know what he wanted. So I sternly said to him, "The reason I asked you to meet me at the store is because I am not sure if you know what you want and it would be better for you to come and choose for yourself". I guess he did not like what I said, you know what, I didnt know nor care if he liked it.......I could tell that he was getting more annoyed as we stayed on the phone. Once again, I have not seen this man for a week, what could I have done to annoy him?
He got even more agitated, telling me that he is going to meet me at the store. Great, I had the cab drop me off at the store and as I got out of the cab, who did I see? Higgins, lol. I smiled, give him "my little pony" kisses all over his face and hugged him like I just got him back from the fires of hell! You think he smiled? Hellz no, lol, but...........I didn't say nor do anything...remember I have my bag of happy seed.
I grabbed his arm and we walked a few feet to the liquor store. As we approached the counter, Higgins turned to me and told me that he has no money so he can't buy anything. Bff, remember, earlier during the day, I told Higgins I would get a bottle, first sign that something was bothering him. How do I know? When something is bothering Higgins, he acts out........everything, I mean everything single thing that could and would bother him does......and it becomes a huge deal.
Bff, I am not really a heavy drinker anymore, so we always leave the liquor decision up to him. I looked over at him and said, "I know you don't have any, I told you I would get it. When we come to the liquor store, the selection is always yours. What do you want to drink?"
Shit, I had a fucking hard day with my bosses, dealing with all of their crazy demands and personalities, when I get off of work, I do not care to deal with anything other than pleasure......I be damned if I am going to allow him or whatever he was feeling to cause me to have a bad night.....Fuck that!!!!........We, no correction, I make the purchase and we walked out together and walked into a bodega for some more stuff.
Like with the liquor, the drink we get to mix with the liquor is also his choose, unless I am mixing drinks and I was not mixing that night. Normally when we go into a bodega, he goes to get the drink and I go to get what every else I want. This time, Higgins walked in the store and stood by the freezer, looking around like he did not know what to do or get. I look over at him and asked him what he was going to get. He looked at me and did not reply....I asked him again....Higgins sighed and said, "Do you know what you want to drink?" With the help of the power of the Moon Goddess, I replied between clinched teeth, "I would not know what to mix with what we just bought because I never had that alcohol before. You usually pick out the drink"...........the fuck!!! Damn, what the fuck was wrong with him? Bff, I was really fighting the thought of walking out of the store and going home.......I had to tell myself to be easy and remind myself again about how the energy was affecting people, especially Higgins.
We got to the counter and I asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Higgins turned to me and said, "You are asking me dumb questions, I hate when you ask me dumb questions" (sidebar 1: Higgins did not use the words "dumb questions". He used other words but I do not want to tax myself to try to remember because when he said them to me, they sturred up not nice feelings in me.)
Word...................is that right??..............His reply was confirmation that I should have been on my way home, lolol. His behavior from the time we got on the phone until his last comment was a clear indication that he was upset about something and might have wanted to start an argument.
Bff, I hear you asking, "How do you know this?". I know because I have experienced it before with Higgins, and Higgins does not change!!! LOL. This behavior from him is not new to me...........we been through this before many times, I ignore the behavior I do not like.......but remind me again why I remain in this place, lol.
As we walked home I tried not to jump in a cab home or say something nasty to him. If I decided to do either one, the situation would have become even more intense. Wait.......maybe that is what he wanted. BFF, you know there are people on earth who purposely create issues and problems, people who are miserable and more in tune with negative feelings and emotions. Yes, Bff it is very true...the energetic vampire exists.
We got back to his house and it continued.........the dense energy permeating from Higgins was incredible........Higgins continued to say things that would normally start an argument but I knew what was going on and plus remember BFF.......I refused play the game and I had my happy seeds.
After about an hour, Higgins transformed back into "normal" Higgins but for me, I sat in disbelief about what I just allowed myself to experience............lolol
Bff..............Higgins is entitled to his feelings, opinions, perspectives, thoughts (etc.), we all are............What many of us do not know is............We do not have to sit around and tolerate others feelings, emotions, opinions (etc.).........especially if they are not adding to our happiness. So please Bff, remind me again why....................................hahaha, you know the rest of my sentence.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
It's Been A Long Time
WOW............It sure has been a long ass time since I wrote to you.................life happens right?
Soooooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmmmuch shit has happened..................................Let me try to fill you in.
Things started to get really crazy between Yummy and I.....it had to stop.....As a matter of fact.........all of my superficial relationships ended.......some of them abruptly.
Sam cussed me out over Yummy...mind you they STILL do business together. On my birthday of this year as a matter of fact, Sam calls me asking me if my involvement with Yummy was done spitefully to hurt him........lolol. Niggas think they are so fucking important to me.... I nicely listened to everything he said and then I told him that it was my birthday and I would call him back. The next day came and I called back to answer his questions.....NIGGAS DON'T FUCKING CHANGE. Unknown to Sam, who sells to my neph, all of the bull shit he was telling me on the phone is a fucking lie.....Sam told me that he felt like he did not have anything to bring to the table regarding me and he was doing some things in the background so that he could come to me as a "Man". LOLOL. He even told me that he thought he and I would be together....some cockamamie story about he slowed down on selling and smoking, started taking classes to get a better job, started looking into a marrage scam to get a house. Guess what? He has the house, however, he tells me that he did not get married, stopped smoking so much and is very hurt because of me...........So..........of course I asked him how in the fuck I was supposed to know he was doing all of that or even felt that way if he never expressed it. Best of the joke.......I even mentioned to him that he told me, "At the end of the day I am still a regular young man"........that does not sound like you want to be with me......Sam had the nerve to think that I do things to spite him.....LOLOL. I got to the point where I told him, "Listen, we were not in a relationship nor are we now and you are asking me questions about my sex life, lol. Please, understand this, NOT ONE THING I DO OR DID HAS OR HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU..YOU WERE NOT A THOUGHT IN MY MIND NOR WAS I THINKING OF YOU AT ALL....YOU WERE NOT INVOLVED IN MY DECISION ABOUT MY LIFE." I could give a flying fuck what he thinks or how he feels...........why????? Because he still owes me $2000 and he is calling me about his fucking feelings from 2 fucking years ago..........FUCK YOU.....FAKE ASS…..
So, that same weekend he reach out to me again, telling me that he took off and he was just chillin, wanted to know when we could get up and smoke.......lol. Sam.....Smoke the rotten pussyhole you came out of............................sorry as loser..............Don't think that this is the last time he will reach out to me........they always come back.
Will........aka Santiago Davis from Facebook...........has reached out to me more recently also...He actually read and may read my blog....thank you Will............You know Bff......I have grown so much..............so fucking much.................I just don't understand this one. This time around Bff, I did not ask no questions, I don't want to know what is going on in his life, I don't give a flying fuck.........I know why Will reaches out to me.......I know who he is...........He just doesn't know who the fuck I am.....as a matter of fact........I don't think any of them know who I am..........Oh well.......I am not in the business of making sure people know...........let them find out on their own. LOL. So...this time when he reach out to me it was basically the same (aka Niggas don't change!!!). Superficial text conversations about what is going on in the Universe, energy, books, knowledge, how we behave, you know....the occult and mysticism..........But this time..........I was different......I was neutral..........Not giving nor taking..........no emotions........just observing and gathering.......So....of course he asked for a pic.......of course he asked to see me and when the day came...........I did not hear from him..............typical..............but not the last time he will reach out to me either.
A few other people from my past reached out to my during my birthday month...not a surprise to me at all.............if you recall.........I am empathic........BFF we gotta really talk about that later........
Ya, so............ohh shit..............Bff........shit is realllllllllllll...I stopped communicating with Keys and D................I do not discriminate............I ELIMINATE the problems out of my life.....Bff listen, it is simple.........very simple for me. All of my friends know that I will love you to death......I will do anything for you but if you cross me...........you might as well dig your own grave.
BFF, Keys and I have been friends since before we were born and I FEEL like she was using some "communication and life" skills she learned from Landmark (a cult) on me and I was not having it. As a result, we got into a conversation in which she did not feel as she got her point across to me and I really did not care. Listen...after all of the years we have known each other and communicated with each other, now all of a sudden, after she starts attending Landmark meetings and using the tools they give her in her life, now she feels like she needs to communicate another way............don't test no shit on my cause I will completely destroy what ever it is you think you are test or learning..I am not the one. The end result was her and I not communicating, she would reach out to me but I would not respond...it goes deeper than I am writing now but there is no need for me to go into it cause I really don't give a flying fuck any more...but Bff..........I will tell you that............the rest of 2013 passed and 2014 came along and it was in February when she reached out to me again becasue she was in trouble..............BITCHES ARE JUST LIKE NIGGAS........... More recently she reached out to me too.............for my bday, lol............We ended up doing brunch and that was 2 weeks ago. I do not intend on trying to get back what we had...........fuck it..........I just don't have time for this shit.
As far as D goes.....We still work together but we do not see each other often and when we do see each other, she looks like a baby deer caught in the headlights............No need for me to waste my time or energy on explaining what happened with her cause....................it does not put money in my back account to talk about people who are dead to me.
As a matter of fact.....All of these people I should consider dead to me for one reason or another..........BFF.............I am starting to get hot so I am going to have to leave for right now and come back when the demons from my past are no longer bothering me, lolol............Damn...it has been a long ass time!
Soooooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmmmuch shit has happened..................................Let me try to fill you in.
Things started to get really crazy between Yummy and I.....it had to stop.....As a matter of fact.........all of my superficial relationships ended.......some of them abruptly.
Sam cussed me out over Yummy...mind you they STILL do business together. On my birthday of this year as a matter of fact, Sam calls me asking me if my involvement with Yummy was done spitefully to hurt him........lolol. Niggas think they are so fucking important to me.... I nicely listened to everything he said and then I told him that it was my birthday and I would call him back. The next day came and I called back to answer his questions.....NIGGAS DON'T FUCKING CHANGE. Unknown to Sam, who sells to my neph, all of the bull shit he was telling me on the phone is a fucking lie.....Sam told me that he felt like he did not have anything to bring to the table regarding me and he was doing some things in the background so that he could come to me as a "Man". LOLOL. He even told me that he thought he and I would be together....some cockamamie story about he slowed down on selling and smoking, started taking classes to get a better job, started looking into a marrage scam to get a house. Guess what? He has the house, however, he tells me that he did not get married, stopped smoking so much and is very hurt because of me...........So..........of course I asked him how in the fuck I was supposed to know he was doing all of that or even felt that way if he never expressed it. Best of the joke.......I even mentioned to him that he told me, "At the end of the day I am still a regular young man"........that does not sound like you want to be with me......Sam had the nerve to think that I do things to spite him.....LOLOL. I got to the point where I told him, "Listen, we were not in a relationship nor are we now and you are asking me questions about my sex life, lol. Please, understand this, NOT ONE THING I DO OR DID HAS OR HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU..YOU WERE NOT A THOUGHT IN MY MIND NOR WAS I THINKING OF YOU AT ALL....YOU WERE NOT INVOLVED IN MY DECISION ABOUT MY LIFE." I could give a flying fuck what he thinks or how he feels...........why????? Because he still owes me $2000 and he is calling me about his fucking feelings from 2 fucking years ago..........FUCK YOU.....FAKE ASS…..
So, that same weekend he reach out to me again, telling me that he took off and he was just chillin, wanted to know when we could get up and smoke.......lol. Sam.....Smoke the rotten pussyhole you came out of............................sorry as loser..............Don't think that this is the last time he will reach out to me........they always come back.
Will........aka Santiago Davis from Facebook...........has reached out to me more recently also...He actually read and may read my blog....thank you Will............You know Bff......I have grown so much..............so fucking much.................I just don't understand this one. This time around Bff, I did not ask no questions, I don't want to know what is going on in his life, I don't give a flying fuck.........I know why Will reaches out to me.......I know who he is...........He just doesn't know who the fuck I am.....as a matter of fact........I don't think any of them know who I am..........Oh well.......I am not in the business of making sure people know...........let them find out on their own. LOL. So...this time when he reach out to me it was basically the same (aka Niggas don't change!!!). Superficial text conversations about what is going on in the Universe, energy, books, knowledge, how we behave, you know....the occult and mysticism..........But this time..........I was different......I was neutral..........Not giving nor taking..........no emotions........just observing and gathering.......So....of course he asked for a pic.......of course he asked to see me and when the day came...........I did not hear from him..............typical..............but not the last time he will reach out to me either.
A few other people from my past reached out to my during my birthday month...not a surprise to me at all.............if you recall.........I am empathic........BFF we gotta really talk about that later........
Ya, so............ohh shit..............Bff........shit is realllllllllllll...I stopped communicating with Keys and D................I do not discriminate............I ELIMINATE the problems out of my life.....Bff listen, it is simple.........very simple for me. All of my friends know that I will love you to death......I will do anything for you but if you cross me...........you might as well dig your own grave.
BFF, Keys and I have been friends since before we were born and I FEEL like she was using some "communication and life" skills she learned from Landmark (a cult) on me and I was not having it. As a result, we got into a conversation in which she did not feel as she got her point across to me and I really did not care. Listen...after all of the years we have known each other and communicated with each other, now all of a sudden, after she starts attending Landmark meetings and using the tools they give her in her life, now she feels like she needs to communicate another way............don't test no shit on my cause I will completely destroy what ever it is you think you are test or learning..I am not the one. The end result was her and I not communicating, she would reach out to me but I would not respond...it goes deeper than I am writing now but there is no need for me to go into it cause I really don't give a flying fuck any more...but Bff..........I will tell you that............the rest of 2013 passed and 2014 came along and it was in February when she reached out to me again becasue she was in trouble..............BITCHES ARE JUST LIKE NIGGAS........... More recently she reached out to me too.............for my bday, lol............We ended up doing brunch and that was 2 weeks ago. I do not intend on trying to get back what we had...........fuck it..........I just don't have time for this shit.
As far as D goes.....We still work together but we do not see each other often and when we do see each other, she looks like a baby deer caught in the headlights............No need for me to waste my time or energy on explaining what happened with her cause....................it does not put money in my back account to talk about people who are dead to me.
As a matter of fact.....All of these people I should consider dead to me for one reason or another..........BFF.............I am starting to get hot so I am going to have to leave for right now and come back when the demons from my past are no longer bothering me, lolol............Damn...it has been a long ass time!
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