Bff…….I really don't want to type right now, but it has been so long since I have communicated with you. So much has happened.
First off……I must have pissed Higgins something fierce, I have not heard from him in 8 days. We had this drug/sex episode…..I will have to tell you about it in more detail later……crazy…..some unexpected household issue came up….later that day I saw him and asked him "What is wrong?", I guess that question pissed him off. He looked at me and said, "Well, if you don't know, blah blah blah!". Bff, I was there when blah blah blah happened…..I know that is on your mind…..however, I asked him because he was pacing up and down my room, when he usually gets comfy and sits down (he was supposed to stay the night). So…I said, "I know that is the underlying reason that something is wrong, I was there?" I know I said something like, "But I am asking you if something else is wrong?" Must have pissed him off even more and he said to me, lol, "Are you gonna do or say anything to make me feel better?"……………………..I looked at him….he looked at me and said, "I thought so!" and walked away from me…in my room and left, lol. I chuckled and started to clean up my room, burning on the inside cause I refused to let him get the best of me……am I gonna do or say anything to make him feel better? Are you serious? He did not say…I called him later that night and we spoke for a couple of minutes and he got off of the phone…I have not heard from him since……..however…….I have not reached out either…………..
My Sun………..sighhhhhhhhhh…..
Uhhhhhhh…Bff….right now……I am feeling so freakin tossed…….left behind…….I am not typing this cause I am in the "pity partah" mode……I just wanna get this out…Maybe I will get some message from expressing myself like this…..so Bff, please be patient with me……..and just read with openness….(this ain't easy…)
Huuuuuuuu…..I don't know if this really measures up….I just don't know…..cause right now I am not good……I am so not feeling good right now and I know this is me…..this is all me…5…….FIVE……readings and 4 came back………3 of those confirmed what I know…..even if they didn't…….I would still feel the same…….but even more than that…….I sit here with tears running down my face because the pain is stronger than before………the choices made………..the things unsaid…….the cries I try to suppress…….I fail in every way………I stare at you because I wanna remember…….so when this storm comes round I have a post to hold on to…….the winds are so fierce…..the rain so heavy………
Why do I feel like this……….lost and confused…….misplaced and…….please come to me tonight…..when you sleep……I just wanna see you…….touch you……kiss you………the pull is so strong………as I sit here….. I can't stop crying…...
