I feel like I am the only one trying……..I could be wrong……..I’m just writing this out in hopes to sort it out.
Bff……….I feel like I am a second thought…….a fall back…..lol…….a
backup…..hmmmmmmm…..my spirit is strong……..but if just does not want to fight……my
egoic thoughts and feelings take control………doubtful….pitiful…….that is not who
I am……..I just can’t seem to understand which step was the wrong one on my path………
I was never like this……..no question of my worth…….ha……..Are
you kidding me? Where did I lose
track?
Your words keep repeating…………..like a record skipping……….constantly
brainwashing me…….sweetly trying to convince me…………that there is more to it
than I see…………my love the mask is killing me…..
Ok I know we said some things……..shared some of our non
spoken thoughts………
Wait before I go any further………..something just happened…
I was about to Juichily poetically express what I have
been feeling since the last time Will and I touched……..the last time we were
one………..the last time our souls made love……..the last time I had Will’s
sweetest kiss……….yah……….then we got back to reality……….He went back to his
family……….I went back to????????????? Yaa Bff…get what I’m saying? (No it was not going to be a Juicah pity
partah, lol)…….Ohh ya, so, Bff….I was just about to express what I have been feeling and experiencing and then I got a phone call from……..Source……..yes…Bff…..stay with me and let me explain……….cause at this point……..it is no game….
You see……..or maybe you don’t at the moment, but will very shortly.
I have always made an issue of making decisions………always
been indecisive about all of the wrong things….lol. I did, however, decide that I needed extra
guidance in accepting…..owning……….allowing…………releasing………..resting…………in the
facts of certain aspects of my life.
Need I mention what I am talking about out right? Well, guess what? I don’t have a problem
doing just that, lol.
I am still having an issue with the decision that Will
made for his life. Bff…..let me make it
clear……Will made a decision he felt was the best for his life!!! No matter how
I express my thoughts, feelings, perception or what every…..Understand that I
know…it is his life, not mine!!! (but that don’t mean that I gotta like it,
lol. I’m just saying, shit!!, lol)………I
still wonder why he did not want to marry me?
He and I had a conversation about this very recently and we both
admitted that it would not have worked (I would have destroyed him, lolol..
ahahah..No…it’s a bit difficult to explain, but I am sure I will one day, wink)…….but
part of me still thinks that that was just some bull shit………part of me thinks…………….fuck
it….What difference does it really make what I think at this point? The only difference it makes is to me………..hmmm
and Bff…..let’s be real…….if it made that much of a difference……….ohh forget it………
So……….I needed help and went to Source…….was laughed at
with love……..and I cried a bunch……
Told me what I already knew……..it was clear to me………flesh feeds
on feelings………you read my blogs……..I know you see………(lolol….ahahaha. Shit, If I
can’t laugh at myself…then there is a huge problem)
When I began writing this……….I was feeling low…….and then
Source contacted me……….and reminded my soul……….
To always be present……….observing and true………..but also
don’t let others drain light from you…
Not in those exact words……it was in a code……..but when
your connected……….Source always knows your load……
That simple phone call…….Source on the other end…….always
reminding me…….forever my friend…
Suddenly snapping me out of the fog…….”Mum, I just woke up…….I’m
about to clean up after the dog”…..
In the words that were said………the message is not clear………but
Source has a way………..of setting you straight my dear….
You may still not understand……. the fog is gone and I can
see…………..the message Source is giving to me…
Bff…….if you only knew………the many ways Source comes to you….
Haha………….I am loving this……………..
Sun (my son) and Source………thank you for reminding me!Bff........stay with me.........this is gonna get fucking crazy...............
