BFF...........last night.........yesterday.........as a matter of fact, for the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that the energy is chaotic, fast and people are just plane ole' miserable....I have been trying my darnedest to remind myself not to fall into the "energy trap"...........
So.........let me catch you up to what car and speed I am driving at this point in my life, lol.
I am dating a man I went to high school with. He was known as a "bad boi" when we were in school and can definitely still give you that impression now. However, being that he is older, he comes off as a "Don't fuck with me", type of guy lol. As like all of us on earth, he has been through his trials and tribulations and you can tell from interacting with him that what ever he went through still haunts him from time to time...........
He is a Leo and I am Pisces........need I say more?...We believe in different principals and concepts concerning life, communication, relationships.....you name it, our views differ drastically. So with that being said, let me fill you in on what happened Friday night........................
Let's just call him Higgins to protect his identity.......Higgins flew to Dominican Republic earlier last week for a video shoot and came back on Friday. His flight was supposed to land a little after 5:30 pm, which gave me enough time to go home from work, make sure my house was in order, cook some dinner for my family and then go see him. Of course things did not work out like that....he got on an earlier flight home, which brought him into NYC around 3:00 pm. Not a problem......or at least I thought.
I got of work and rushed home to take care of everything so I could have some real time with Higgins. Three hours in and almost finished everything, I reached out to Higgins to let him know I was getting ready to come over....30 minutes before I left my house to go to his, I called to see if he needed anything. When he got on the phone......immediately I hear an attitude.......I ignored it.......why, you ask Bff? All day people were giving me attitudes......Why? I have no idea nor do I care to find out. What I do know is I am in control of me and my emotions, so therefore, I don't have to play this attitude emotion game...I give up....you all win this game......I reminded myself of the energy and gather some of my happy seeds in a bag for safe keeping. I had a very strong feeling I am going to need those seeds later, lol.
Ok, so I have not seen this man for a week, I could not think of a reason for him to have an attitude with me, so, I went on with my conversation...asking him if he needed anything from in the street before I reach his house...........Now he was ignoring me, being silent on the phone. Instead of assuming, I asked if he heard what I said. He replied, "No", so I nicely reiterated everything that he missed. Then...silence again. I asked, "Is everything ok?", he replied, "No, I am tired". Ahhhh that is it.......that must be where the attitude is coming from.................I solved the puzzle.......Or so I thought.
My cab finally came and I was still on the phone with Higgins........rewind and be kind............before I left work, I let him know that I would pick up a bottle of alcohol to bring to his house.........fast forward.......on the phone with him in the cab, I asked him if he knew what he wanted from the store and naturally with his attitude he told me that he did not know what he wanted. So I sternly said to him, "The reason I asked you to meet me at the store is because I am not sure if you know what you want and it would be better for you to come and choose for yourself". I guess he did not like what I said, you know what, I didnt know nor care if he liked it.......I could tell that he was getting more annoyed as we stayed on the phone. Once again, I have not seen this man for a week, what could I have done to annoy him?
He got even more agitated, telling me that he is going to meet me at the store. Great, I had the cab drop me off at the store and as I got out of the cab, who did I see? Higgins, lol. I smiled, give him "my little pony" kisses all over his face and hugged him like I just got him back from the fires of hell! You think he smiled? Hellz no, lol, but...........I didn't say nor do anything...remember I have my bag of happy seed.
I grabbed his arm and we walked a few feet to the liquor store. As we approached the counter, Higgins turned to me and told me that he has no money so he can't buy anything. Bff, remember, earlier during the day, I told Higgins I would get a bottle, first sign that something was bothering him. How do I know? When something is bothering Higgins, he acts out........everything, I mean everything single thing that could and would bother him does......and it becomes a huge deal.
Bff, I am not really a heavy drinker anymore, so we always leave the liquor decision up to him. I looked over at him and said, "I know you don't have any, I told you I would get it. When we come to the liquor store, the selection is always yours. What do you want to drink?"
Shit, I had a fucking hard day with my bosses, dealing with all of their crazy demands and personalities, when I get off of work, I do not care to deal with anything other than pleasure......I be damned if I am going to allow him or whatever he was feeling to cause me to have a bad night.....Fuck that!!!!........We, no correction, I make the purchase and we walked out together and walked into a bodega for some more stuff.
Like with the liquor, the drink we get to mix with the liquor is also his choose, unless I am mixing drinks and I was not mixing that night. Normally when we go into a bodega, he goes to get the drink and I go to get what every else I want. This time, Higgins walked in the store and stood by the freezer, looking around like he did not know what to do or get. I look over at him and asked him what he was going to get. He looked at me and did not reply....I asked him again....Higgins sighed and said, "Do you know what you want to drink?" With the help of the power of the Moon Goddess, I replied between clinched teeth, "I would not know what to mix with what we just bought because I never had that alcohol before. You usually pick out the drink"...........the fuck!!! Damn, what the fuck was wrong with him? Bff, I was really fighting the thought of walking out of the store and going home.......I had to tell myself to be easy and remind myself again about how the energy was affecting people, especially Higgins.
We got to the counter and I asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Higgins turned to me and said, "You are asking me dumb questions, I hate when you ask me dumb questions" (sidebar 1: Higgins did not use the words "dumb questions". He used other words but I do not want to tax myself to try to remember because when he said them to me, they sturred up not nice feelings in me.)
Word...................is that right??..............His reply was confirmation that I should have been on my way home, lolol. His behavior from the time we got on the phone until his last comment was a clear indication that he was upset about something and might have wanted to start an argument.
Bff, I hear you asking, "How do you know this?". I know because I have experienced it before with Higgins, and Higgins does not change!!! LOL. This behavior from him is not new to me...........we been through this before many times, I ignore the behavior I do not like.......but remind me again why I remain in this place, lol.
As we walked home I tried not to jump in a cab home or say something nasty to him. If I decided to do either one, the situation would have become even more intense. Wait.......maybe that is what he wanted. BFF, you know there are people on earth who purposely create issues and problems, people who are miserable and more in tune with negative feelings and emotions. Yes, Bff it is very true...the energetic vampire exists.
We got back to his house and it continued.........the dense energy permeating from Higgins was incredible........Higgins continued to say things that would normally start an argument but I knew what was going on and plus remember BFF.......I refused play the game and I had my happy seeds.
After about an hour, Higgins transformed back into "normal" Higgins but for me, I sat in disbelief about what I just allowed myself to experience............lolol
Bff..............Higgins is entitled to his feelings, opinions, perspectives, thoughts (etc.), we all are............What many of us do not know is............We do not have to sit around and tolerate others feelings, emotions, opinions (etc.).........especially if they are not adding to our happiness. So please Bff, remind me again why....................................hahaha, you know the rest of my sentence.
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