IRAny...(Irony, lol)

Last year, I met a guy named Ira, well that is what he told me his "Internet" name was, lol.  When he warmed up to me, he confessed that his name is Ira....hmmmmm...things between he and I were hot and steamy, for a short period of time.

Looking back at this short period of time with Ira, we would always pulled at each other.  We wanted to see each other but our schedules conflicted.......when he was at work, I was sleeping, when I was at work, he was sleeping.........all I know is people make time for what they want....if he called late at night, I made time to speak with him......if he wanted to see me, I would make time to see him.....but it was never reciprocated..........hmmmmmm

As with many of the superficial relationships I have, the relationship with Ira was one in which my interest in him was based on attraction.....when we did see each other...the end product was always both of us huffin and puffin before we fell asleep in each other's arms.

The communications game we were playing quickly started to bored me......I would reach out to him hoping he would respond....nope, nothing.... I would rereading his texts in an attempt to understand his absence......got no understanding.....I would text or call him in an effort to start communicating.....no answer, no response.  At one point, I thought by being consistent and pleasant, I would win a response from him....it did not work.  The longer he would not respond, the more I wanted to know why and the more I tried to contact him.  I went from reaching out to him every day to almost completely forgetting that he is a contact in my phone....

The scratched record started to annoy me.......I started to feel like Ira was purposely ignoring me...the worse thing you can do to someone is ignore them, especially me!

I had gotten to the point where if he were ever to reach out to me again, I would give him a taste of his own medicine, plus the fact that I am no longer interested, the distance and lack of communication were the cherries my cake needed.  So, when he reached out to me yesterday and today, I was a little excite but also annoyed.  I did not feel compelled to respond, like I usually do.  I actually wanted to tell him not to write to me anymore......I do not feel anger towards him, I am just tired of this "game".  I am tried of feeling stagnant.....feeling like people don't know or maybe they just don't want to put the time into getting to know one another......wait a minute.....gimme a second to clarify.....just because I want to get to know you, it does not mean that I want to get to know you in hopes of establishing a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship....it means I want to get to know your person...become more familiar with your spirit.......and establish a friendship........is that too much to ask for?

Perhaps it is........it seems like superficial relationships are the norm, lol......but I want something different.....I want more, I want relationships with value, with substance........

Normally, when certain people (Ira is one of them) reach out to me, I can't help but respond.......my intention is growth....positive growth....causing me to realize I do not have to respond every one.....and........to my surprise I didn't.....I did not respond...... Yesterday, I went through the entire day without even thinking of responding.......without being bothered or haunted with thoughts that if I did not respond to him I would be missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime..........

You see......our feelings are so very....mystical......only we feel them, lol....we can express how we feel, but our feelings are personal.......they are determined by our perceptions or experiences.........they are real to us.....but can be unreal and/or confusing to others........feeling like I would be missing something by not responding to him is based on my perception of who I think he is.......in reality, I really don't know him so what could I possibly be missing? lolol

I guess not responding made him feel a way because this morning, he text me again.  I took my sweet time responding to him, after all, he is not a part of my circle, not a part of my world.  I got some really good advice from my girlfriend.....she was very insightful........My responses to him were a bit evasive, but I did not care....all too often I give up way too much, leaving myself open and vulnerable......I wanted to get some answers from him this time around.

Hmmmmmm,.......his texts gave me the feeling that he was unsure of himself.....unsure of where he stood with me.....Ira wanted to know if I lost interest in him.......I asked him how he planned on keeping my interest, lol..........he asked when he could see me.........I asked him when he was free (lol).........he asked if I missed him.......hmmmm he was asking all of the questions I used to think when he decided to pity me and respond to my texts, lol.  Now the shoe is on the other foot and I have control of the ball!

Being that I felt good about my decision not to respond immediately to Ira, I know see the power I have over my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my world..........

WOW, IRAny (irony)  is eye opening, lol!!!!!!!