What Can I Say?

Bff....Yes...it has been over a year since I connected with you and soooo ohh sooo much has transpired. I don't even know where to start..........well, give me a few minutes so I can reread my last blog to know where the beginning is...........BRB

Ok, let's get one thing straight! If you watched the video I posted in my last blog...when I say "spiritual work", please understand that intensely passionate sex is involved in this work. What? What? Don't act like sex is not spiritual and sacred, DON'T!

So.........pushing forward. Yes, Bff, I got to the point in my "Twin Flame" connection where I was fed up of being fed up...tired of waiting for Will to admit that our connect is real...to admit that he feels something similar to what I feel....Just absolutely tired of this shit. I know it is not my imagination. I know that after he fucks me every so gently, putting his heart and soul into every stroke, he feels even more connected to me...connected to Universal energy.....connected to his Divinity!!! There is nothing you can say to convince me that he does not think of me.......so intensely....I often suddenly run through his mind. I wonder does his body react the same way as mine?

I had to stop this shit...this self torture...thinking of how all of this time I have been trying to find the one who could replicate the way he makes me feel...........all of the fucking I was doing.... all of the misplaced Sacred Sex energy I gave away!!!

Bff, word to the wise......I am not retracting any of my blogs nor am I saying that the things I express were incorrect, false or exaggerated..........what I am saying is when a person is in a desperate place, longing for certain experiences, they may experience fantastical emotions that are a culmination of what they are longing for. In other words Bff, in retrospect, I could take specific pieces of my past lovers and combine them into one person and that person still would not come close to Will! No, I do not regret any of my experiences, but yes.....I was looking for Will love in all the wrong places!!

Now, let me get back.....back to what happened.

So, Bff, yes, tired of being tired, tired of waiting and I even got to the point where I had several epiphany moments about what I was doing and how I was scheming, plotting and planning to keep Will stuck in my creamy sex web. I realized that I was lying to Will. I lied to him and told him that he and I do not have to follow the rules of society, we don't have to follow rules, we can make our own rules because we are Twin Flames, wow....I stooped really low on that one! This was a poor attempt for me to justify us fucking, sucking, him making my pussy cry and every now an then me getting his sweet fruity cum in my eye, just as simple as that. I did not want to lose him, what we had, how he made me feel, what he did to my body, his Divine Chocolate Magick Styck, what he does to my heart and soul!!!!!!!!! I figured that if I convinced him, he would not feel guilty about being married but still fucking me ohh so sweetly. OMG Bff, ding dangit!!!! What this man does to my body is indescribable!!! But you know I am still going to try to put words to how he makes me feel....and yes, we continued to fuck for quite some time.....I made sure I was available whenever he called........my hot to trot Will pussy went running!!!!

Let me continue to fill you in for the damn near almost 2 years I have been silent! Occasional Fucking!!! Occasional Mindblowing Fucking, Occasional Galaxy Creating Fucking.......Fuck......Bff....I serious lost my mind fucking.........and this went on.....for quite some time. And then my soul stepped in....took over...had me feeling bad because I tried to mind fuck him so he would continue to piece feed me his Divine Chocolate Magick Styck!!

So, yes, I got to the point where I could not longer lie to him because I felt his struggle, so I told him. I had to tell him the truth.....I could hear the pain in his voice every time we ended our conversations, I could feel the sadness in his heart every time I tuned into him, I could see the sadness in him every time I closed my eyes. We continued to communicate, when ever he reached out to me I felt him ever so deeply within me....I felt his confusion, the tug of war that was going on in his head and heart! I knew he loved his wife, but I also knew that his heart and soul longed for me...I know that I am home...I am heaven...I am bliss...I am eternity to and for him as he is for me~!!

We agreed in July 2018 that it would be best for both of us to back off of the sex and just do real spiritual work (no not fucking, lol!). Bff, you have no idea how fucking hard it was for me to actually do this! Listen here!!!! This man.......this man here.........Will.........A slow and steady feeling of anxiety grows in my stomach before I hear from him. The energy around me gets really thick and it is difficult for me to concentrate......then I would get a text or my phone would ring...butterflies break free from their chrysalis and flutter their soft delicate wings all through me...Wait....wait a fucking minute please, let me catch my breath, I am having a hard time keeping my composure and I have not even heard his voice or felt his kiss or touch. What the fuck is happening to me? I have to sit down, lay down, close my eyes and gather myself just so that I am able to take breath.......Oh I feel myself slowly slipping away.....and I fight with all of my might to stay here......I beg him to calm down, asking him if everything is ok......gasping for him to release me from his grip! When he eases up the energy on his end, I feel a little relief, enough to catch my breath and get my bearings. Then it starts again.....that feeling......that uncontrollable pulling feeling....Shyt!!! Help me out here!!! Holy fuck......and when I see him, smell him, breath him... in.....ohhhhhhhhhhh Bff it is heaven! Imagine.........think of......re-experience the most holistic full body pleasure you have EVER felt! Can you do that Bff? Can you think of a time in which your mind, body, soul, heart, past lives, future lives, multidimensional selves, fragmented parts, etc. felt all encompassing EUPHORIA? If so, intensify that feeling, those thoughts, those memories by 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000! This is not a fucking joke, this is not a game, this is not a trick, fantasy or my imagination, no drugs involved, no mind altering substances taken! If you can't imagine this.........I feel very sorry for you! I really and truly do!!

When Will looks at me, I see forever in his big bright eyes. When Will talks to me, his words are music to my soul. When he touches me, I feel a gentle teasing charge of electricity run all through my body, recharging and stimulating parts of me I never knew existed. When he kisses me, ever so passionately, so softly....how our tongues do a dance of love and his mouth is so sweet! When he holds me, I melt into him. When he fucks me, I become who I am meant to be......he takes me to Ecstasy, Bliss, Heaven....his long fat dick stoking my ever anxious wet pussy......teasing me at the right time, making me beg him for more, causing my body to tremble, taking control of the very breath I take. This can't be real!!

I have to wait a few minutes before I actually respond or pick up the phone, I really don't want him to hear my heart beating through my ear as we talk....just a few more seconds and I will have enough energy.........as I close my eyes again.....only to be swept into a violent mental tornado..........wait, what? Now my body is spinning too......lawd aves mercy...what am I going to do? Deep breaths... deep breaths as I struggle to breath deeply and feel every single muscle and fatty tissue in my chest!!!!

Ok, I can do this, as my hand shakes while attempting to answer....heart pounding, heavy panting, legs shaking, head spinning, losing control and he has not even done anything....does he know.....does he have any idea of what he does to me with no effort? Maybe I am taking this too far....maybe I am just playing into my emotions and imagination, after all, the mind does not know the difference between with is real and what is fake. But Bff, this can't be fake. I did not smoke, drink or take any kind of drug....this has to be real!! Sidebar: Bff, this is what I was telling you about earlier! I would feel these things during or after a drug enhanced (weed, alcohol, molly or E)sexcapade! Why do I feel like this WITHOUT any enhancement help? How can this man make me feel like this, after all of these years.......after all of the pain? How does he make me feel like this just by texting or calling me?

This is fucked up Bff, I am writing you about something that I experience over a year and a half ago and I as I type, it feels like I am experiencing it now. I still experience this when he calls or texts me now!!! What makes this even more twisted is the fact that Will has been fucking me like he was created just to fuck me, since the middle of October 2018.

What Can I Say? (So much more, stick around! haha!)