Hold This In.............................

I sat with my feelings for more than I want to admit………..contemplating, analyzing and investigating until I became sick.  In the past, I cried, prayed, danced, sang, meditated, revisited and even sought counsel to obtain a better innerstanding of what I was feeling, why I was feeling and how my feelings could be used to grow.  Found out where they came from and how to work with them to facilitate a deeper healing within me. Found ways to work through my challenges, made great strides, learned about myself, acquired tools of empowerment and continued to face challenge after challenge that showed my strength and how much I have grown.

I sat with my feelings for more time than I want to admit.  My feelings and emotions always tell me the truth……..if I am in alignment with my heart and soul, if I am walking my path, if I need to change my direction.  I learned from my feelings, my challenges and my journey to be me, without exception, without regret…….to use both my heart and mind to play this game of life with love, gratitude, wonder, excitement and innocence.

I sat with my intuition for longer than you could imagine, lol……….open to the subtle energies, signs and synchronicities telling me that what I was feeling, sensing and seeing was true.  Finally, I got to the point where I no longer need confirmation from outside sources to validate that which my intuition told me.

I sat with my intuition for longer than I have known…patiently waiting for things to be revealed in their own Divine Time (no, I am not referring to TFs)…..as I continue to move forward and leave the past behind.  Things I have said were swept under the rug, I knew all along, I knew for so long, that one day someone close to you would sing the same song.  When coming from me, it was taken lightly, and over time you must have forgotten, in spite of my plea. 

I sat with my thoughts for longer than usual……….imagining and dreaming could I be delusional?  I wondered when and if you would ever see….the things, the signs my intuition told me (sidebar: I always shared with you what my intuition was telling me through my feelings, dreams, visions, how I connect the dots, etc.)  Why when I shared the things I knew……you looked at me like they could not be true?  The urgent, insistent messages I shared, were said with great force, you must have been scared.  Which makes so much sense……. it was so clear, the reason you distanced yourself from me last year.

I sat with my knowing for longer than some……….my guides told me long before the time would come.  Through conversations, songs and dreams I would see……….that you would slowly forget about me.  My special day came and my knowing was clear………no call, no text, no “Happy Earth Day, I wish you a great year! 

I sat in contemplation with All and myself…………a loud noise broke the silence when something fell off my shelf.  My heart shattered into many pieces, “Not this again” was my thought.  Your casual disregard left me feeling naught.  The cycle continues and I am aware…….of the roles we both play and this time I have no fear.

I sat with my knowing whispering in my ear…………gentle words of encouragement, so loving and clear.  As I remained open, receptive and true, it suddenly became clear what I needed to do.  As I picked up the pieces and cared for each one, I heard the sweet message, “A new phase has begun”.  Painful and arduous is my task at hand…….Devastated and distraught but I innerstand.

I sit and see……the things that my feelings, intuition, thoughts, knowing and contemplation have been telling me.  While I did the work, you were remiss and at play, playing the game of your choice, I tuned in every day.  Recording my findings, the messages are clear, you don't taking time out to energetically send or hear.  Focused and driven is what you should be, my mirror, my soul, looking back at me. 

I sit with my broken pieces and hear what they say…… “You can do this L, We know it hurts but don’t delay”.  “The time is right to say how you feel, It’s ok, it’s alright, he won’t think it’s a big deal”.  Lo and behold, my broken pieces were true, when I told you how I felt, it flew right by you.  Did you read what I wrote?  Did the message go through?  Did you just ignore what I wrote to you?

I sit in confusion………thought we agreed to work……your lack of response cuts me like a dirk.  “Don’t worry, stay strong”, my broken pieces say…..”He will get the message in a couple of days”.  “Put me back together, you have things to do…….don’t let his distractions upset you”.

I sit with my seeing and I want to cry……..My emotions run deep and I can’t tell a lie.  Choices, decisions, daredevil style……….secrets, lies, stored in our Akashic file.  I wish things were blurry, making it hard for me to see……that other things are a priority and come way before me. 

I sit with my journal of messages received and I’m not surprised what they reveal to me.  Dreams, visions and feelings so deep, this energy is so strong and real, it often woke me from sleep.  The story unfolds as my dream comes true……in the messages your sister got while on mushrooms!

I sit with I Am and accept what is “real”…….in this illusion, this game, I am just telling you how I feel.  Shaking my head as I read your texts, I’m sure you remember, nope, no I digress.  A gentle reminder of what I once said, could not wrap the thought around in your head.  Three years ago, I shared with you a particular read, that said we both are indeed StarSeeds.  Did you believe, what I said to be true?, or did you perceive it when your sister told you?

I sit with myself forever and a day……..trying to figure out, how to express on words what I need to say.  Take a minute to be still, open up and it will be clear, maybe now is the time you are ready to hear.  The messages you received, I already knew, I told you a while ago, but they flew by you. 

I sit with my knowing that the time will soon come….when you stop running, you surrender, you succumb.  You are ever so close, but unable to see………clouded by denial and avoidance of things involving me.  Ever so often you see through the clouds, you get it, you lose it, where are you right now?

I sit and am patient, but want you to know.  I am still doing the work, tuning in, being receptive, working daily with Tarot.  Feel what I am writing, see what I say……I feel neglected as you go astray. 

I sit with the knowing, that comes from deep within.  You will soon truly innerstand, open up and let me in.  Right now I feel so invisible, ignored and pushed away.  I had to tell you how I feel, I could not hold this in another day.