Confusion

Bff......................I want you to see that this is real.....that I am not a figment of your imagination.......my writing is not just something I am making up..................not just something that is make believe................

All of the things that I write about...I actually experience.  I may not be able to express the events in the exact way they happened.  Just know that I am expressing things as how I feel them, how I see them, how they affect me........I'm not saying that my view or feelings are right or wrong........all I am saying is that THEY ARE MINE!!!

Now, I am so fucking confused...............I wanted to know............I wanted answers...........All of my wanting led me to a world of total confusion............

Bff...........I can't seem to keep things from certain people......You being one of them.  I told Will about the readings.....I guess it is confession time for me.........I ended up ordering 4 readings from 4 different "experts" on the Flame subject.......to date.........I received 3 back.  One.....said we were from the same tribe...........the other two said we were twins...........

Ok Bff........I already knew he is my twin..........but what is shaking me up is all of the other things that the other two readings had in it.....Lemme clarify for you. 

Bff.........what the two readings told me was what ever other reading I ever got told me, "Continue on the spiritual path you are on", "Spirit, Heaven and your family are all watching over you, protecting you." Bff, there is more that the reading said, but I just wanted to give you the jest of what EVERY reading told me, even the last 2 I got which were about Twin Flames.......which adds to my confusion......

Adds to my heaviness.....just adds to everything..............

I was stuck in the Twilight Zone........kind of still am there now....I just can't seem to grasp my brain around the fact that everything...........EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT MYSELF IS TRUE...................

Not only that..........Bff..............this sheds light on why I feel so intensely..........why I feel so empty with distance..........why I feel directly connected when you are close..........that is just the tip of the iceberg.........

Bff........after I told him.............told him about what I knew..............I thought I would feel relief........but what I actually felt was shock..........disbelief.............and a little bit of a defense........

I am confused..........My soul does not lie..............Spirit does not lie..............Energy does not lie...............

Bff.............I am going to write from Spirit now...........please don't leave me....

I just need to get this out cause I don't want to hold it any longer....
As I type this...I look through teary eyes.....fighting with my Spirit............
We have come so far.................to feel as if we are being pushed down
Down farther than before........in the dark pit................hungry..........scared..........cold and afraid...
Looking up and seeing people just walk by..............as if the hole they are walking over does not exist
That is exactly how I feel..........non existent........lol.........
Sitting here........trying not to type how I really feel
Tossed away..............left overs, lol..............
I just smile............and giggle............for now..............
When I am alone...........I will release the floodgates of my soul
I pray that the waters will wash my pain away..........
This longing that I feel..................does not seem to cease............
When you look in my eyes..............what do you really see..........
Can you feel me right now reaching out to you?
Ohhh Lawd God, Fadda Up in Heaven please help me deal with this eternal pain..........
Cause the few moments you have given me are not enough.........
I am not desperate..........I am not crazy.............
Nor am I obsessed..................I am connected..............forever..........eternally........
I am not running.............I stand strong................
However, I need you..............not just the physical..............we need each other.................
Sometimes I think I am crazy...............saying the same thing to you over and over........
Feeling the same feeling more intensely each time.......
Dying over and over again.........as you smile in the background..............
I wish I could be more like you.............putting my focus on other things............
I can't help but to feel..........so intensely................so deeply........................
You know we are connected...................in a way that can not be explained................
My soul is heavy...................I need you.............Will you ever innerstand?

Bff, I wonder why I even bother to do anything anymore.............I really wish I could explain and express the way I feel without sounding so crazy............I just want my beautiful compliment..............you know what? Fuck it..............................

So fucking confused....................just forget you ever read this post!!!