36 years on this earth feels like forever... and ever... and ever......as a child (and even now at times) I feel as if I was born to absorb some of the pains of the earth. BFF, does that make me special? Live a day in my shoes, feel what I feel, think what I think....hmm, I wonder, sometimes it feels like a curse.....
A curse to feel the intensities that I feel, a curse to give of myself only to be hurt, what the fuck is this thing called "MY LIFE"?
I always knew and felt that there was someone or something looking after me. I remember going to church as a child and crying, overcome with the "spirit", afraid to do wrong, afraid to question, scared to explore. Hmm, was that the conditioning that religion wanted to have on me, or could it be something greater that I was too young to see?
And that brings me to where I am now..........what.....what have I done with this life? Ohh Lawd please help me, I have tried so hard but to no avail, this pain that I feel never seems to end, never seems to cease.... Why does it haunt me.....like a demon on my back, climbing, scratching, drawing blood until it reaches my kingdom and takes control of my thoughts.
Why do you fucking haunt me so, please just let me go........I loved you, I love you...you know, you knew....All the times my phone rang, I wished it was you.... let me go... set me free.... let me be.....
You moved, you walked away with my heart, you walked away with my world......you shut me out but made sure you left my door ajar.......kept your foot at the baseboard, you know I will always let you in.....no matter what.........what we shared is stronger than what you think you have......who are with......your thoughts of me haunt you, your day dreams, your sleep....
You try to escape what nature can't explain, you occupy your time and thoughts......only to come back to the source.........killing me slowly as you take your course.......your hell on earth is eternal without me.....you put up a front, change your surroundings, the company you keep, only to reach out to me........you seek my love, passion......memories of me haunt you, consume you, vividly playing over in your mind.......how much longer are you going to make yourself suffer.....ohh you like the pain too?
I ask myself why, why did you take so much from me.....walk away.......only to start anew........afraid I know who you are.........afraid I would not just let it be...........
Who you are remains the same......the new people and places are the only things that have changed. Deep down inside you long for me, while you play the role to appease your fans, lolol, shit don't never change unless you really want it to.
You say you are happy, please tell me how can that be? You left what we had, move on, said that you grew, lol, but you still call wanting to see me. I know the truth, it is not in your eyes, they lie just like the words that escape mouth. I know the truth, the hidden messages between your words. Who do you think you are fooling? If you tell yourself over and over, then you will believe your own words? LOLOL
Your heart is where it is, your mind and desire are with me, so tell me, how happy can you really be?
Oh, I thought I was in pain, living in regret..........ha.....the old folks always say you never know what you have until you lose it.......is that why you reach out to me, is that why you long for my honey? Don't answer, your actions tell all.
Niggas don't neva change..........I know you don't know what I mean......you will one day when you experience what I have..........I love you.....that will never change........nigga or not.........this I just can't explain..........
We are connected, attracted, attached.................but I beg you, please let me go.........set me free.........if I can't have you completely..........you choose your path, while mine is clear........don't ruin my chance to get what you will NEVER have.........
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